Happy last day of 2016!
Dear friends … how are you all?
“If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you’re good enough. Just do it. Be generous. Offer a gift to the world that no one else can offer: yourself.”
― Glennon Doyle Melton,
Throughout the years, I’ve learned that while writing is essential to my well-being, I don’t do it as often as I should because of the voice of perfectionism that lurks in the corner of my mind every time I want to get started. Journalling has been much easier because I just don’t give af; it’s when I decide to share. I think many people who express their ideas or passions in any creative form go through the same thing. We all know perfection doesn’t exist; it’s just annoying and sometimes makes me feel like I have mild schizophrenia, outwardly telling that little itty bitty shitty committee to STFO.
“Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale.”
― Glennon Doyle Melton,
So, it’s in my clearing (which btw, was a term we used at Lulu to get out what’s on our mind before we can give full attention to what we were about to do/discuss) that my mind feels a little jumbled at the moment. I had some ideas of what I wanted to write about, but who knows what will end up coming out. And so, I give myself permission to free flow and apologize in advance for what you might have to read, if you, for some reason, choose to continue.
Oh yeah, and if it’s your first time reading my blogs, don’t be alarmed when you see non-teacher-like language. None of my kids would be alarmed.
Overview of 2016
This year has felt especially long and I can say with certainty that I am so glad it is finally over. There are tons I am grateful for, but damn, has it ever been crazy. I won’t even bring politics into it. If life was really like a rollercoaster as all clichés would say, then I feel as though this year was like riding the Leviathan at Canada’s Wonderland, plunging down the big-ass drop about a thousand times at precisely one million miles per hour. Indeed, all accurate units of measurement.
So perhaps I’ve exaggerated just a little. But my guess is, actually, not too far from it.
Either way, it’s felt crazier than normal, but that’s okay. I’m okay that it hasn’t been all okay all the time (say ‘okay’, one more time…). I used to be afraid of showing others when I wasn’t doing well because I was known as ‘the positive and optimistic one’. But the more I grow, the more I’ve come to realize that that’s some bullshit. Life can serve you shit on a stick sometimes and there is no way to feel okay about it right away, if ever. Time does heal though … and then I’ll become positive and optimistic again, because that’s just me. Also because sometimes that’s the only option, next to being completely crippled by it. But there is also power in admitting when things aren’t going well, because things go wrong, as they sometimes will. And that’s … you guessed it … okay.
However, I have a lot to be grateful for, as I do daily.
- The proportion of time spent feeling that I was thriving vs. surviving was a bit more even this year at work – yaaaaaassssss!
- I’ve had a some of the most fun-loving bunch of students and athletes this first semester that’s brought so much laughter and love into my passion
- Old friendships rekindled and strengthened, while new friendships added another layer of light into my day-to-day
- The many trips I’ve been able to take this year for all kinds of reasons and meeting people along the way: Philippines, Bali, Krabi, Singapore, Bangkok, Koh Lipe, Nepal, Taipei, Toronto
- Being able to partake in some of my bests’ special days. Distance ain’t no thang.
- Health. Thankful that my body has felt good and able.
I’ve got to admit – I’m a sporadic reader. I love it but don’t always
have the make the time for it. I sometimes have a hard time sitting still (surprise, surprise). Or I start a book and then get bored and/or distracted, because I’m certain that I have some kind of ADHD that slipped through the crack of diagnosis when I was trying to be that perfect Asian kid growing up. But when I’m into a book and into reading, you’ll have to pry me away from it.
Speaking of which, I just spent the last 10 minutes looking up symptoms of ADHD.
Anyway, back to my top reads.
It’s no secret – I love books that make me think, laugh, and learn. Bonus points for an inappropriate level of vulgarity, yet still challenges me to stretch beyond my comfort zones to hopefully become a better human being. These have been my top 4 and I recommend that you go and read them meow if you haven’t already.
Speaking of meow, let’s take a moment and gush over all of my mother’s cats.
That ADHD runs deep.
(Aside from the occasional voices of perfectionism stopping me from writing, I reckon it’s this self-diagnosis has a lot to do with it.)
Music is life.
I am SO annoyed that I will no longer be able to post YouTube videos on WordPress without upgrading to a Premium plan! Ugh!
Anyone who knows me knows that it’s always on whenever possible – when I stumble out of bed in the morning, in the office when I need to concentrate (yes, it’s a real thing that it still sounds like a club and I can get all the work done), my PE classes, classroom during independent work time, the gym, the car, anytime I’m in the house. You get the picture. All the time.
Silence is also a part of my day, but it needs to be scheduled in (more often, I know).
Why be silent though when I can listen to great albums like these? I’m quite eclectic in my tastes (though drawn particularly to R&B) and am usually a playlist girl. But this year, these 3 albums got me listening to and loving their entirety.
Yaaasss for good music!
As I wrap this up, because my attention span has officially been exhausted, I just want to wish you all a fantastic new year.
And though at times it’s felt unbearable this year, I’ve had more to be thankful for than not. I’ve loved and learned, seen more of the world, stretched my comfort zones, experienced more of what it means to be human, and been surrounded by loved ones. I’ve had more than enough.
Like the Spotify ads have said in every TTC subway station (love Toronto) …
Thanks 2016. It’s been weird.
Happy New Year everyone!
Come onnnnn 2017!